self acceptance love

Don’t “Should” On Yourself

I don’t know if it’s just part of the ‘nature’ of women to judge, criticize and complain or if it has been taught to us via “nurture” – our everyday culture. I do know that the tendency to murmur or find fault is recorded even back to the Old Testament, (see the story of Miriam in Numbers 12) so it’s nothing new under the sun.  Sadly, it appears acceptable for women to criticize just about anything!  It’s not right, but somehow it seems that most women you converse with in your day only want to tell you the bad things they notice in life.  Well, law of attraction shows us that ‘like attracts like’ so the more you complain the more you’ll have to complain about. But that’s a focus for another blog…

Today I was pondering on one of the worst aspects of judgment and criticism – which is self condemnation.  I’ve heard it referred to as ‘should-ing’ on yourself.  You know the voice in your head saying “you SHOULD…. stop being so lazy, exercise and eat healthier, call your mother more often, etc.”  Of course there are times when our higher self is trying to get our attention and motivate us to make positive changes – but those promptings come gently, and with love.  The ‘shoulds’ come with blame, reproach, condemnation and shame.


In the past, I heard myself criticize my performance, my thoughtlessness and especially my body in conversation with others.  A wise friend once replied, “Be nice to my friend!” That surprised me.  I hadn’t realized that my tendency to be self critical was in effect mean-spiritedness directed at myself.  (And often similar to beating a dead horse – pointless!)  In truth, ‘being mean’ to myself only tears down my energy, vitality and immune system, making me feel unworthy and unhappy.

In John 3:16-17 we read, “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.  For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.”

If Jesus wasn’t sent into the world to condemn the world, surely I wasn’t sent here to condemn the world or myself.  In addition, if God loves everyone – that includes me too.  It’s time to start letting that love sink in.


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